I have taken the opportunity, over the years, to join up with several different direct marketing companies. Whenever I did it, I always made sure that the product line was something that I really liked and used myself. I am one of those who have a hard time trying to sell something I don’t believe in.

There was one company I worked with that I really enjoyed. The nutritional supplements we sold were dynamite products and the people leading the organization really did have a vision for improving people’s health.

After a time, though, that company was bought out by another one which had a different philosophy. The new people were good folks, but had an entirely different way of looking at things. They were more focused on the business end than on the product. In fact, they made a deliberate point, in all of their training, to tell recruits to focus on the business rather than on the product. They made no secret of the fact that they really didn’t care that much about what their product was, they only wanted something that they could get the public to buy.

I don’t mean to imply that there is anything wrong with having a business focused paradigm, or that the company leaders were unethical - just the opposite, in fact. They were basically good people. But their focus was on creating a system to do business rather than on getting a wonderful product into people’s hands.

Now some may argue that focusing on the business end would ultimately get more of the product into circulation, and this may be true. But there is a danger that must, also, be addressed. I don’t mean this to put down making money (I know I want to make all I can), but when making money becomes the ultimate measure of success, the issue of "how you get the money" becomes less important. Taken to its extreme you end up with the Enrons and MCIs of the business world. You end up with people willing to say or do anything to make their sales.

There is an interesting phenomenon among many direct marketing companies. Many of them try to attract and develop recruits who don’t come from a sales background. As a result, it becomes necessary to develop training material to help these new recruits become effective at selling the product. This sales and marketing material often tends toward simple sales pitches and canned methodologies to make it as easy as possible. These pitches and methodologies are, generally, based on principles of influence that have been identified and refined by sales professionals over the years.

Now, the fact that we know the principles of influence is not that significant. What is important is how we use that knowledge. Influence is not some mysterious formula that a person learns how to use to move people. Rather, it is an integral and pervasive part of every day communication. You use influence when you ask someone a favor, try to get your child to obey, romance your sweetheart or present a business proposal. You are the recipient of influence efforts when you walk through the checkout counter at the grocery store, listen to music at a restaurant or watch TV. It is pervasive. The question is not, "Do we use influence or not?" The question is, "How do we use it?" It can be used in ways that generate a good result or a bad one.

Bad influence occurs when someone uses trickery to try and manipulate others to do or buy things that they may not want or need. Good use of influence happens when the end result is a positive impact in the life of the one being influenced.

For those persuaders who really do care about how their influence is used, there is a principle that will take you the highest level of success. That secret is, "Begin with the other person in mind." It is as simple as that.

When you try to use manipulative techniques, the whole focus is, "What can I get the other person to do for me?" There are certainly many people who sell a lot of product using this mindset. However, they also end up hurting a lot of people, angering many more and creating a lot of buyers remorse.

But there is another way. By focusing on the needs of the other person, you end up with a situation where you help the other person and yourself. This does, though, require a longer term point of view. Sometimes your product may not be the right thing for the other person - at that moment. When you recognize that fact, and only try to sell when the timing is right, you gain something greater than the sale. You gains appreciation and loyalty - the very things that create long term relationships and long term sales.

It is not always easy to take this approach. I know I hate to pass up a sale or send someone to a competitor. But sometimes we have to override our feelings in order to get the best ultimate outcome. The best long term outcome is not a sale, it is a relationship.

The way to accomplish this end is to operate based on principle rather than on immediate outcome. A principle based approach sets parameters within which you will operate. You can think about what is best, set your rules and let them play out over your lifetime. An outcome based approach doesn’t consider the consequences. It simply does what one feels is best at that moment.

Real success is long term success - that which has relationships attached to it. Take this approach and you will never have to manipulate. Take this approach and you will never have to look over your shoulder. Take this approach and you will become a wildly influential person.